The Purple Suit and the Power of Showing Up as Yourself

Last year, I was preparing to speak in front of a room of 500 civil servants, teaching a workshop on AI. I was considering wearing a bold, unapologetically bright purple suit.

I remember sharing it with a friend who remarked that it was “a bit loud.” But that was precisely the point. I knew the room would be full of mostly men, as these civil servants specialized in finance. And it wasn’t about showing men that women can show up as feminine. It was about showing up as myself.

At 40, I’ve learned that how we show up matters, not just for how others see us, but for how we feel in our own skin. When I’m standing on a stage, what I wear is more than fabric. It’s a decision to take up space. And as Selena Rezvani so powerfully reminded me during our recent WOMENdontDOthat podcast episode, confidence often starts with deciding that you're worth being seen and heard.

Confidence Starts Before You Speak

Selena is an executive coach, workplace culture consultant, speaker, and the author of Quick Confidence, a practical book filled with actionable tips for building confidence in your everyday professional life. From her content creation on TikTok to her coaching of leadership cohorts, she helps people navigate what she calls the “micro moments” that shape how we feel about ourselves.

In our conversation, she shared how her multicultural upbringing with a Pakistani father and Ukrainian mother instilled the idea that “children should be seen and not heard.” That cultural message followed her into early career spaces, where she often kept quiet, waiting to be invited in.

“I relegated myself to the kids’ table,” she said. “I didn’t even let myself believe that my ideas were worth voicing.”

But something shifted. She got tired of playing small. She stopped waiting for permission.

The Messy Middle of Self Expression

Selena described those first moments of speaking up as uncomfortable, like a baby deer trying to stand up for the first time. She talked about sweating through meetings, her heart racing, a lump in her throat. But what stuck with me most was how she reframed that discomfort:

“Even when it didn’t go perfectly, I had a new kind of respect for myself. It felt like integrity. I was finally being true to who I was.”

Her story reminded me of my own “purple suit” moment. That turning point when you decide to stop apologizing for being seen. That suit wasn’t just about style. It was about owning the room. And, as Selena said, there is something powerful about aging and no longer having the bandwidth to worry about all the things. You learn to focus on what actually matters.

Individuality Is Strategy, Not Vanity

There’s a myth that expressing yourself through fashion, personality, or opinion is somehow selfish or unserious. But as Selena and I discussed, confidence is contagious. Showing up fully encourages others to do the same.

In a world full of noise, it also helps you stand out and be memorable. And in my career as a consultant, speaker, mentor, coach, podcast host, and event host, being remembered isn’t optional. It’s essential.

In her book Quick Confidence, Selena offers tips on how your posture, voice tone, and wardrobe can help you project confidence before you say a word. And it’s not about polish. It’s about authenticity and intention.

“When I feel like a warrior queen in what I’m wearing,” Selena told me, “I show up better. I speak better. I lead better.”

The takeaway is simple. Dimming yourself to be digestible doesn’t serve you or anyone else.

A Call to Boldness

Whether it’s a purple suit, a confident introduction, or the decision to speak up in a meeting, showing up as yourself is more than a moment. It’s a movement.

So here’s my encouragement to you. Wear the suit. Share the idea. Write the pitch. Say the thing you’ve been sitting on.

It won’t always be easy, and some people won’t like it. They may want you to play small, to act like the men and look like the men. But you can still be professional and be yourself.

I also want to acknowledge that, as the CEO of my own company, I don’t have anyone to answer to if I wear loud earrings or a brightly coloured suit. I recognize that this comes with its own privileges and protections.

That said, I challenge more leaders to show up as themselves too. When they do, it helps shift the narrative around what leadership can look like. It allows their staff and society to see that women in leadership and professional roles at any level can lead with confidence and authenticity.

So it’s not just about you. It’s about creating a path for those coming behind you.

Selena’s story and her work remind us that confidence isn’t a trait. It’s a choice. A practice. A muscle. And it grows stronger every time we dare to use it.

🎧 Want to hear more? Listen to my full conversation with Selena Rezvani on WOMENdontDOthat here📘 Grab her book: Quick Confidence (and watch for Quick Leadership this fall) 🔗 Follow her for daily tips on LinkedIn and TikTok