Back to School: Advice for My Daughter (and Every Girl Starting High School)

This fall, my daughter is starting high school. As her mom, I’ve been reflecting on the advice I want her to carry with her, not just for the next four years, but for life. And while these lessons are personal to her, I believe they are lessons every young woman can use.

So, to my daughter and to every girl stepping into high school for the first time, here’s what I want you to know.

Choices and Circumstances

Your adult life might feel far away, but it isn’t. The choices you make now, from academic habits to life decisions, build the foundation for your future.

You are not your circumstances. Even if your family situation is hard, you can choose differently. Canada isn’t perfect, but we are fortunate to have opportunities, scholarships, and supports that can help you change your future. I’ve seen people come through enormous challenges because they refused to let their circumstances define them.

Dream Big

Don’t limit yourself to the careers you already know like teacher, nurse, or doctor. The world is so much bigger. Be curious. Ask questions. Send the email. Try something new even if it feels scary.

I chose my university program without even knowing what “policy” was, but it ended up being a perfect fit. Sometimes, the best decisions come from saying yes to the unknown. Your future is as bright as you dare to dream it.

Trying New Things

You’ll never know what you love until you try. Debate, theatre, sports, volunteering, even if no one else is doing it. Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

I was terrified moving to the city after growing up rural. I even got lost on the bus my first day volunteering on Parliament Hill because I didn’t know buses went both ways. But those small risks prepared me for bigger ones, like representing Canada at the APEC Summit in South Korea as a student. Trying something new changed the trajectory of my life.

Perspective on High School

High school can feel like the whole world, but it isn’t. Marks, popularity, awards, they matter less than you think. I was prom queen and student council co-president. Do my colleagues today care? Not at all.

What lasts is who you are, not your title. Don’t be afraid to stand out. Be the kind person, the one who treats everyone with respect. People may not remember your grades or your outfit, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Mental Health and Stress

It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to take everything on. Protect your mental and physical health, it’s the foundation for everything else.

And if it feels too heavy, speak up. Talking to an adult isn’t weakness, it’s strength. I once carried the burden of a suicidal friend alone, listening but never telling anyone. That was dangerous for both of us. If I regret anything from my younger years, it’s not speaking up sooner, about friends in crisis, about harassment, about situations that felt wrong.

Talk to a parent, a coach, a teacher, a mentor. We’ve lived more life, and we often have perspective that can help. My mom gave me advice about friendships that was invaluable. Don’t carry things alone, it’s braver to share.

Peer Pressure and Belonging

People will try to push you into choices that don’t feel right. I never drank in high school. People encouraged me to, but I held firm to what mattered to me. It didn’t make me less popular; in fact, people respected me for it. I stayed true to who I was, and that didn’t stop me from being chosen as prom queen.

It doesn’t matter what others think of you. What matters is what you think of you. Confidence comes from standing firm in your values, not following the crowd.

Friendships and Relationships

Some friendships will last, some won’t. That’s normal. Don’t be afraid to move on if someone no longer shares your values.

And in relationships, never ignore red flags. A healthy relationship looks like partnership, respect, listening, empathy, and shared goals. Your wins are their wins, and theirs are yours. Anything less, walk away. You’re too valuable to settle.

Parents and Guidance

Your parents don’t hate you. We’re here to keep you safe, prepare you for adulthood, and guide you with boundaries. You won’t always like it, and you won’t always understand until you’re older. And that’s okay.

I want you to know this: I’ll always explain why when I say no. And while sometimes I won’t change my mind, I will always listen.

Failure as a Teacher

You will mess up. That’s not the end, it’s just part of the journey.

I used to think winning a “Top 40 Under 40” award mattered. I never did win one. But guess what? It didn’t change a thing. I have a career I love, a family I adore, and a life I’m proud of. Awards don’t define success. Persistence does.

Resilience is key. Even with my chronic migraines, I keep showing up, doing the work, and moving forward. Success is built on getting up one more time than you fall.

Closing: Big Picture Reassurance

To my daughter, and to every girl starting high school: you already have everything inside you that you need.

Remember this: 

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

Or as former First Lady Michelle Obama put it:

“When they go low, we go high.”

Be smarter than your phone. Be bolder than your fear. Be kinder than people expect. And never forget that the world is wide open for you.

I’ll be talking more about this season of life, my daughter starting high school, and what it looks like for us right now, in my first solo podcast episode this September 2025. I hope you’ll tune in.

Your Turn

What advice would you give to a teenager just starting high school? Or, looking back, what do you wish someone had told you? Share your thoughts in the comments, or pass this along to a young woman in your life who needs these reminders today.