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Navigating the Milestone: Celebrating My 40th Birthday on My Own Terms (and How You Can Too)

Updated: Sep 25


This year, I turned 40, as did many of my friends. What surprised me was how much we all struggled with how to celebrate this milestone. We felt uncomfortable with the idea of throwing a lavish party, yet it seemed important to mark the occasion. For me, the experience was also clouded by the realities of motherhood and the existential question: What truly makes me happy? The pressure of other people’s opinions only added to the confusion. So, I decided to share how I worked through this fog in the hopes that it might help others navigate their own celebrations.


First, I had to admit that I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted. My husband didn’t see the need for a big celebration, and others were suggesting a large party, which didn’t really feel right to me either. Talking to friends who felt the same way helped me feel seen and understood. From there, I made a list of things that genuinely make me happy and who I enjoy spending time with. Gradually, a picture emerged—a celebration that felt true to me.


I ended up celebrating in a series of smaller, meaningful ways. Here’s how I did it:


My university girlfriends and I go on an annual trip, and this year, instead of staying close to Ottawa or Toronto, we decided to amp it up for our 40th birthdays by heading to Winnipeg in June. You might think, “Winnipeg?” But as my friend Sarah would say, we were wowed by Winnipeg. My local friend planned an amazing itinerary, and we had her beautiful house to ourselves. We ate incredible food, visited gorgeous spots, shopped, explored gardens, and experienced the best Hammam spa in North America. Honestly, I’d go to Winnipeg just for that spa again—it was luxurious beyond words. Celebrating with my best friends in such a unique way was unforgettable.


On my birthday in July, my kids made me breakfast and gave me thoughtful cards and gifts, which I adored. I took the day off work (highly recommended) and treated myself to a special day: I tried out a new doughnut spot, got my nails done, and got ready for my evening party, including some new outfit pieces I had purchased over time—like hot pink shoes. I read all your social media birthday messages and received gifts and flowers from loved ones. That evening, I gathered a small group of close friends at a local speakeasy—a perfect venue with great food, drinks, and a cool atmosphere. It was wonderful to see women from different stages of my life finally meet and enjoy each other’s company. The best gift I received was a box filled with letters, cards, and emails from friends near and far, sharing what I mean to them.They were so thoughtful—some included pictures, others had written poems. They had taken such time and care, and I felt incredibly loved.


It was the most meaningful birthday gift I could have ever imagined, and I highly recommend it as a gift idea for someone special in your life.


Since my husband and I both turned 40 this year, we also had a joint celebration with our families at his parents’ lake house in late July. It was a relaxed day with good food, family who are also friends, presents, and dessert—a great way to celebrate together.


And finally, instead of throwing a big birthday bash, my husband and I decided to put our money toward a dream trip to Italy in August (my first trip to Europe). Every five years, we take a big trip to mark our milestone birthdays and anniversaries. Year 5 and our 30th birthdays took us to Vegas. Year 10 and our 35th birthdays were celebrated at the Ice Hotel in Quebec City. This year, for our 15th wedding anniversary and both of our 40th birthdays, we decided to go big and create lifelong memories together—something we had planned out a few years in advance.


Looking back, I feel like I was truly celebrated, and it was wonderful to spread the festivities over an extended period. Ralph and I even had an aunt purchase us special cakes for a cottage visit in August. I especially loved hearing from so many important people in my life, particularly on social media. It seemed like more people reached out this year, given that it was my 40th, and every message meant a lot to me.

So, my message to you is this: Don’t be afraid to celebrate the way you want to. Don’t hesitate to ask for help or even plan something for yourself. Even though I’m married, I ended up taking the lead for my celebration, and while it was daunting at first, I embraced it and was really happy with what I chose to do. You deserve to be celebrated, so take the time to reflect on what you want and make it happen.


I recognize that being able to celebrate the way I did is a privilege, and not everyone has the same opportunities. While you may not make it to Italy for your birthday, finding something special that resonates with you can still mark the occasion in a meaningful way. You can also find ways to do it more budget-friendly. For example, on our trip to Winnipeg, one of the girls booked her flight with points, we stayed at our friend’s house for free, and another saved over time for meals out and the spa. Honestly, those personalized messages from friends and family were the most meaningful part of my celebration.


As the saying goes, “Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated.” So here’s to celebrating you—you’re worth it! You deserve the world. 


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